what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
