We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize