Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Drake has all the answers
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize