I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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