imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
