I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
