i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
