Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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