Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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