Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
