This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
