we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
either way he was missing a nipple.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
