At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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