It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize