operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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