just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
