The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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