you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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