Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This house was built for laser tag.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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