seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
