i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
