What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
