WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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