dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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