OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
