porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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