i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
