I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
