Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
