you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
