is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
jump out the window naked night went bad
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
