Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
