quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
