Define "chronic" masturbator.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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