need another drink. this is the easiest way
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
