He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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