I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
