mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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