1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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