Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
