apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
