roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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