She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
