Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
