When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Randomize
