I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
