i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
