So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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