talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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