dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
