True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
