remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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