Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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