so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
