My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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