Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize