She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
