Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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