when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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