So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
